A New Life

It’s the strangest feeling. I have never felt it before and it started with an ever so slightly pinch but it is growing stronger every day. It is a new feeling. I think it might actually be a combination of feelings, a mix I have never experienced before. It reminds me of what I felt before Christmas eve when I was a child; or when it was summer and I ran barefoot on the humid grass in the mornings. It is like what I felt when it was the weekend and we had breakfast together out on the veranda, all four of us; or when we travelled through Europe and I am sitting in the backseat giving dad a neck massage for cash. It’s like when I received a note from the boy next door that I had a crush on, or when I hear mum’s voice calling my name, even if it’s only in my head.

It’s like when I hear Gianna Nannini singing “I Maschi”. Nobody will understand it, except for those who sang it with me all those years ago.

But that mix of almost immaculate feelings has something in it that is less comforting. It’s another one I can’t explain, another mix. A bit like when you have a big final exam and don’t know if you are going to pass, or like that time when I lived in Australia and was on the phone to dad who was in the car and all of a sudden there is a really loud noise and the line gets cut off and it wont reconnect. It’s a combination of panic, anxiety and doubt.

For me it’s the first time, but I am pretty sure most women had their own dose of feelings that they can’t explain when they went through their first too.

21Oct_17weeks3daysIt’s motherhood and it’s happening to me. It feels surreal. It feels like something I can’t explain. But what I do know is that there is a kind of love growing inside me that I have never felt before. I love my husband more for giving me this beautiful bump, I love my body more for being so damn amazing, and I love myself more, just because.

It’s a wonderful life, it’s a beautiful world. Happiness is all over me, along with all those other feeling that I blame entirely on hormones and once again, just can’t explain.

Love,

CJ

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About CJ - Loving São Paulo

A Swede in Brazil. Whatever comes to mind; thoughts, inspiration, food ideas, baby stuff, life.. I will write about it when I have free time! Uma Sueca no Brasil. Seja o que for; pensamentos, inspiração, novas receitas, coisas de bebes, a vida... Se há tempo livre escrevo aqui!
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9 Responses to A New Life

  1. Eddy says:

    Hi, CJ! I was browsing for skyline photos of Sao Paulo and ended up in your blog. It’s always interesting to know what foreign visitors think of Sampa, so I stayed for a little while and read a couple of your posts. Nice job! I’ll definetely come back later to check for more. Oh, and congrats for the baby! As a father of a 4-yr old girl, I tell you that this is really a mind-changing experience. Having a kid in the house is the best thing! By the way, I’ve just found out that you’re originally from Sweden and I happen to be a sucker for everything swedish — most especially rock bands (listening to the mighty Hellacopters at this very moment!). Hope you enjoy your stay in Sampa! 😉

    • Hi Eddy and thanks for your comment! I bet I am in for quite a ride, and a big big change! I still can’t believe I am going to be a mummy!
      Yes, Sweden is pretty big on rock bands. It must be the shitty whether! Here in sunny Brazil music is usually “happy” (well except for maybe Sepultura and RDP… rs)
      Hope to see you here again, although future posts may be slightly more pregnancy and baby related hehe…

  2. Andreia Martins says:

    I have my own word for that feeling … REDA!!!! And I know exactly what you mean… Truly, but so truly, happy for you! Beijinho na barriga! 😉

  3. Sofie says:

    Åhh fina fina du! Vilken underbar nyhet… Är ju inte så insatt i ” blogg” världen, men måste ju bli ; ) Det är lika underbart varje gång, men det är nog bara första man har tid att njuta av att vara gravid. Kram

  4. Good job at describing those unique feelings, they are somewhat wonderful and overwhelming simultaneously, I remember them well. You sound like you are enjoying your pregnancy, I was very surprised but I found the whole 9 months simply marvellous and the end result is pretty damn impressive. Congrats on your wonderful news, hope it all goes great for you.
    Maggie@expatbrazil

  5. Linda says:

    ❤️❤️❤️

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