Forever daddy

No matter how old I get, you’ll always be “daddy” to me. When mum died I was only 11; nobody thought you’d be able to care for two young children on your own. It was a challenge for sure, but you fought. Not just to do the job as both a mother and father; you had to fight against everyone’s doubt that you could even do the job as a dad. But you never cared what other people thought, that’s why you overcame so many barriers.

You’re different.

You gave us a chance to think for ourselves, to make a mistake and make it right before you did something about it. Oh and our conversations! We can talk about absolutely everything ♡

And then one day a word changes everything. It’s a word that shatters our world to pieces.

I’m sending you whatsapp messages but they’re not being read. I’m waiting on Skype to see you go online but you never do. I need you. I have questions to ask and stories to share. You are not just my father; you’re my best friend, my mentor.

I feel like we’re re-living 1990 all over again when mum got ill. It’s so unfair I want to scream.

It hurts so much.wpid-20150905_111437.jpg

But while I sit on your bedside, holding your big hand, I realize that begging you to stay with us is only selfish. What I really want is for you to be in peace, whatever place that is. If you are ready to leave us, I’m not going to hold on to you. I’ll be ok, I know I’ll see you again one day. Thanks to you, I’m strong.

We’ll all be ok. Theres a piece of you in all of us, together we are you.

It’s time you thought only about yourself.

Just remember we love you

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About CJ - Loving São Paulo

A Swede in Brazil. Whatever comes to mind; thoughts, inspiration, food ideas, baby stuff, life.. I will write about it when I have free time! Uma Sueca no Brasil. Seja o que for; pensamentos, inspiração, novas receitas, coisas de bebes, a vida... Se há tempo livre escrevo aqui!
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5 Responses to Forever daddy

  1. N says:

    I’m so sorry. I’ve just read this message and see that it’s already from months ago. I wish I could hug you. Have you been able to be with your dad?

    • Anonymous says:

      Hi N
      Unfortunately my father passed away about two weeks after this. Thankfully I had a chance to say good bye personally. Thank you for your kind words. I’m finding strength in my beautiful baby girl but miss him so much.

    • Hi N
      Unfortunately my father passed away about two weeks after this. Thankfully I had a chance to say good bye personally. Thank you for your kind words. I’m finding strength in my beautiful baby girl but miss him so much.

  2. claucascais says:

    Blev jätte rörd med dina vackra ord Caroline.
    Jag fick aldrig träffa din pappa personligen men “deltog” i chatten du nämner som Ebba brukade berätta om och läsa upp högt. Garanterat ett gott skratt. Det är så ni kommer att minnas honom.
    Inga ord passar just nu, men jag tänker pår er och er familj.
    Stor kram,
    Claudia

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